I sometimes complain that I feel that my religious life is motivated by the outward signs of what I think a “Good Christian” does. They pray (alot), they read their Bibles, they read scary books with nature scene covers that use lots of multisyllabic words and talk knowledgeably about Grace as opposed to Faith and so on. I will raise my hand and admit that I totally try to do that and it is not the right way to go about things.

I would say the answer lies in being challenged. Sitting down and wrestling with issues, deciding for yourself that you believe one thing and not another. Or worse, realizing you say one thing in your head and then finding it too hard to do. I particularly hate that little moment when you know that something that I believe strongly in is not reflecting in my life and having that “okay, now what” sit down talk with myself.

The easiest way I can think of it is comparing it to studying. I learn nothing from sitting in class with my laptop out and the wifi on (even if it looks like awesome notes are being taken), its when someone asks me a question that requires rummaging through lecture notes and thinking long and hard that the little magical “Gosh you should learn this!” switch is flicked.

These thoughts seem more likely to crop up around that magical start of January, but I must admit “make things harder” is much less attractive a resolution than “continue my good-looking-ness streak.”

Today is August 26th, 1999, and I have just moved. This morning I flew on an airplane. This afternoon I sit in an empty apartment. This night I sleep with my jacket as a pillow.Next Sunday I will go to a new church. Next month I will be in junior high.

Does a new house make for a new me? Will a new school change who I am?

That was 8 years ago. The distance between junior high and my rapidly approaching college graduation scares me. A few years ago I was worrying about middle school, then high school, then college; I have run far, grown much, been there.

He got a Nikon D40, and it is seriously awesome. Here are some photos I took with it.

So, I’ve been growing my hair out in a sort of “I wonder what I’d look like if I got fobby hair” experiment, and I must say that there is on aspect to having (long-ish) hair that I forgot about. Sometimes when the wind blows, my “bangs” (sorry, I don’t know the right word for this stuff :)) fly around and hair whacks my eye.

Oof.

Over Thanksgiving break I had a moment I can only describe as profoundly sad. I was working on a homework set and came home to see all the lights off and the house quiet, because it was about midnight.

I walked back to my room and was thinking all the while “is this what my life is going to be like?” I imagine that I’ll start working and hang out with friends less, and keep odd hours and one day realize I don’t talk to people, or do any of those social things.

There is this thought in the back of my head that it is rather unfortunate that my major, my (probable) line of work, and my hobbies are all computer-related. I think it is a bit late to think about changing my major at this point though, so I guess I’m simply resigned to a life of solitude and anti-social behavior. Sucks.